TYPES OF EMOTIONAL AND/OR VERBAL ABUSE
The abuser demands your constant attention to the exclusion of all else, even when they know that you cannot possibly meet these standards. They expect you to always be home at a certain time, even if traffic or weather conditions make this impossible – and blame you if you are late. You’re constantly criticized for not meeting their needs, even when the reasons are beyond our control, and the expectations were unrealistic to begin with. No matter how much you do, it is never enough.
Demeaning or Belittling
this is often a form of verbal abuse and can take the form of sort of “parent/child” dynamic, where the abuser treats the victim in a child like manner, constantly correcting the victim is still here. She is a child who needs to be disciplined and guided in every area of life. Belittling comments about appearance, how tests are completed and insults are all part of the pattern of demeaning abuse. Name-calling, accusations and insults are also common form of belittling behavior. This type of behavior wears away at Self-Esteem and becomes imprinted on the mind of the victim until they begin to believe that this is actually true. Over time, they may see themselves through their abusers eyes as “ugly, worthless, stupid.” Or whatever words, the abuser has used.
Many abusers will isolate their victims from family and friends. This takes away the victim support structure and makes the more dependent on the abuser. It also means there are fewer opportunities for those who care for the victim to intervene on their behalf. Abusers will often excuse this behavior by telling the victim that it is “for their own good” or suggesting that the family and friends are sabotaging the relationship. They may also demand that the victim prove their love by giving up their other relationships in favor of the abuser. Once the victim is isolated, the abuser has nearly complete control of his victim.
Denial or invalidation
This is a subtle form of abuse that takes the form of denying the emotions or feelings of another in order to invalidate them. For instance, if an individual is grieving the loss of a beloved pet in the abuser tells her to “snap out of it, it was just a dog,” the person feels that her real feelings are being denied and rejected as on important and stupid.
some abusers thrive on keeping their victims in a constant state of confusion. They continually pick fights, create problems and change their mind or shift positions to create discord in order to create a sense of chaos in the relationship. They thrive on the constant drama of an unstable relationship. It is always “on an” and enjoy watching the fear and confusion of having a partner that is “walking on eggshells” for fear of triggering another confrontation.
controlling finances to the extent that you are no longer able to pursue simple activities without permission and cannot purchase the necessities of life without asking for the necessary funds is economic (sometimes called financial) abuse. This takes many forms, including withholding credit cards are checkbooks, making you justify every dollar spent, preventing you from hurting your own money and withholding basic needs such as food and clothing.
Physical, emotional and verbal abuse are all forms of domestic violence that can cause your repairable damage if ignored. Understanding what domestic violence is and how serious the problem is, is the first step in overcoming the problem.
THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Read a Francesca, A Domestic Violence Survivors Story http://www.thehotline.org/2011/11/francescas-story/